06/20/2002 Entry: "There's Blood in My Cheese Stream!"

OK, who's the wise guy who's been slipping lard into my food?

Tuesday I went to my doctor's office (where he was tolerably less condescending than the first time I saw him) for the results of my blood tests. My cholesterol levels were high like I had been drinking shots of Wesson. My "good" cholesterol levels were cowering in fear. Basically, I gave them gravy in a test tube.

But I'm a vegetarian! How is this possible? Was there a mix-up at the lab or something? Like, between my blood and the drippings from someone's McDLT?

Well duh. What do restaurants always offer for the vegetarian option? Cheese dishes. Cheese sandwiches. Deep-fried Cheese. Where else is a vegetarian going to get those kinds of oils and fats? I'm going to have to be more conscious both eating out and at home. I'm aware now that it isn't going to be enough that I scour the ingredients list for hidden surprise meat products; Now I'm supposed to keep another eye on the Nutrition Facts in case the numbers start creeping up on their own, right there on the side of the box; to see who's hiding arterial wax in my food. Now I have to do math just to eat? if I'd have known, I would have studied harder. How do you skinny people manage to keep track of all this?

Oh yeah, and he said something about aerobic exercise or something, but I was too busy responding to an email message on my Blackberry to pay attention. Exercise, right. That's next, I swear.

Replies: One Comment

is your doctor suggesting that quesedillas and broccoli fun choy is fattening?

Heresy! Damned heresy and lies!

Posted by aaron @ 06/20/2002 11:39 AM PST