09/04/2002 Entry: "The Plastic People On A Wedding Cake."

A friend of mine at work got married this past weekend. They had a small ceremony—just a few close friends and family. For all of last week, all the people in our office (especially the married women, it seemed) found perverse joy in trying to make him sweat.

"Only a few more days and it's final!"
"The big step! You must be so-o-o-o-o nervous!"
"The last taste of freedom!"
"Soon you'll be Mr. (her last name)!"

To his credit, he was pretty cool through all this harassment, or else he was just too numb with fear to notice. I tried to play Devil's Advocate on a coffee break once. "Is anything really going to be different being married than where you are now in your relationship? You'll still love each other. You'll continue to live together. You'll still pay bills and work and go out with friends."

"The biggest difference," he said after a pause, "is that this means it's all permanent, 'til death do us part. Which is frightening, but good at the same time." I knew that was the answer, but had forgotten. In an age of the "Defense of Marriage" act, I stung myself with that line of questioning.

This weekend, some friends of the Boyfriend and I are renewing their vows in a very private ceremony—just us and them. We talked with them over dinner about what they were going to say. Thankfully I'm just the witness; I might have suggested Michele's hypothetical vows or to compare against some celebrity vows. But I didn't have any real suggestions for them. I grew up thinking that gay people didn't get weddings. I'm pretty sure that permanence in a relationship is really more about something that's in your head than something that's on a piece of paper. So wedding vows aren't something I thought I'd have to worry about, at least not seriously.

Then again, when I surprised him at his place this evening, the Boyfriend was watching "Gay Weddings" on Bravo. So what do I know?

Replies: 3 comments

Well, you do have a friend who is not just a nun, but an ordained minister, who would love to perform a little magic blessing ceremony if you and the Boyfriend ever decided you wanted to do such a thing....

Posted by Vince @ 09/04/2002 05:47 PM PST

While I'm generally of the "do what you feel is right" type - so if marriage vows are your thing, do it; and if not, don't feel pressured to..... but I do wish that for every "discreet" I see in an allegedly gay online profile or personal ad, I could see a live GAY WEDDING broadcast on TV.

Posted by bj @ 09/05/2002 10:17 AM PST

For all of last week, all the people in our office (especially the married women, it seemed) found perverse joy in trying to make him sweat.

I just wanted to say how much I dislike people who do that. It's silly and annoying.

Posted by Katrina @ 09/11/2002 04:44 PM PST