07/30/2003 Entry: "Homosexualist, Heal Thyself."

I have been ruined by Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

I mean, I am not a fashionista. I've had the same low-maintainance haircut for the past six years. The clothes that I do not buy at Ross Dress-For-Less I get via mail-order. My apartment furniture is largely white pressboard furniture that was picked up at garage sales. My most common lunch is from Subway. My favorite pastime is playing video games. I may have a style, sure, but having taste is another matter altogether.

But now, I see fit, for days after seeing an episode of the show, to make snarky comments offer style suggestions (usually silently) to friends, coworkers, strangers. It is my right—nay, my duty—as a homosexual man in our country to inform its aesthetics. Whether I'm informed of those aesthetics myself or not. Right?

Shallow, perhaps. But I mean well. Well, so do the Fab Five. I feel guilty for watching, part of me rebelling at the ridiculously brand- and status-conscious stereotype the show relies on, and part of me cheering for strong-minded gay men who seem like they'd be genuinely friendly and helpful, even if they weren't getting paid.

Honestly, I'm not sure which is more fun...watching the show, arguing about the show, or behaving as if I was on the show. All I know is that every time I watch, this urge to critique just gets stronger, which I suppose complicates the whole "Nature vs. Nurture" argument a bit more.

"You should use a different conditioner so your hair has more body," I suggest, while my $1.99 gel struggles to contain my flyaways and cowlicks. "The cut of those jeans make your ass look enormous and flat," I offer, hiding within layers of drapey black clothes. "Paint the walls a nice bold color to help unify the room," I recommend amidst our peeling Navajo White (AKA, beige) apartment walls.

It's not that I don't know better myself; I just don't want to put in the effort. My version of the show would have to be called "Lazy Eye."

Replies: 4 comments

Darling, you've always made snarky fashion suggestions to people. Besides, it's not shallow, it's helping.

What are you wearing Eddie?
Lacroix
Good. It's fabulous.

Posted by David @ 07/31/2003 12:13 AM PST

Helping? Helping whom? I'm always highly suspicious of unsolicited advice -- often, in the name of "being honest" or "wanting to help", people make remarks that serve only to inform the victim...er, target..uh, helpee..that their choices, perceptions, taste, etc. is WRONG. Wrong, stupid, brainless, worthless...and that, by being so "helpful", the helpful person is in a superior position of perception, taste, and so forth.

Can you tell I'm a little sensitive on this topic?

Of course, I'm still unconvinced that sexual orientation and aesthetic sensibility are connected. I thought -- perhaps wrongly, I'm willing to learn -- that one's sexual preferences were pretty much connected to whom one had sex with...

Posted by Sherri @ 07/31/2003 07:41 PM PST

Anyone who thinks sexual orientation and aesthetic sensibility are connected has never been to karaoke at our local watering hole.

Posted by Panchesco @ 07/31/2003 09:36 PM PST

I've never seen that show... but I've read about it. What you say about the brand-consciousness of the show... I hate to say it but big corporate America & conservatives really should embrace homosexuals if they're so into that... And it seems they are according to this and another gay guy's on-line journal that I read yesterday where he was complaining about brand t-shirt wearers at the gym.

Posted by Chloe @ 08/07/2003 07:37 AM PST