08/26/2003 Entry: "Too Much Information About Slippery Topics."

One of the raffle prizes at the fundraiser I went to last week—the prize that I won—was a 16 ounce jar of Boy Butter Lube. I'm not really much for lube for most um, purposes. In fact I'm usually in BJ's ideological camp about the matter. But there are some times when it's necessary to supppliment what happens naturally. And even in one's most personal moments, the novelty of a different sensation is at least, well, novel.

Truth be told, I had the option to take some fuzzy handcuffs instead, but between my dislike of bondage and the cute name, there was really no contest. Besides, can you blame me for wanting lube made by this man?

Regardless, I was confronted in the bar with my margarine tub of lube, which I dutifully carried with me the rest of the evening. We stopped for food afterwards and discussed applying the stuff to an order of waffles, but alas, I had left it in Sister Rox's car. She did not allow me to "accidentally" forget it was there, unfortunately. "It's Crisco," she said, looking at the ingredients. No, surely it's more than that. Isn't it?

Anyway, I finally got the courage to open and try the stuff. It's slick, it does the job, it cleans up easily, and it wasn't salted like margarine—so no, probably not very good on toast, but not as harsh on mucus membranes either. They claim it's odorless, which I suppose is true when you first open the tub. But after everything was finished and warmed up, there was a distinct smell that brought me immediately back to Junior High School home economics class. It smelled like I had just made biscuits on my torso. It smelled, I suspect, like sex with Florence Henderson.

If I elect not to use the rest, do you think I could use it to make chicken?

Replies: 8 comments

Remind me not to eat any chicken that you cook... I've already got more than my fair share of chicken anyway.

Posted by David @ 08/26/2003 06:30 PM PST

Note to self.. Stay away from anything Casey cooks for the next month or so.

Posted by sillynun @ 08/26/2003 08:01 PM PST

Sex w/Florence...or Aice the Maid? Either way, not my favorite image on a Wednesday morning.

Posted by Huntington @ 08/27/2003 09:03 AM PST

oh great. sex with florence henderson - now i'll never learn to like lube!

Posted by bj @ 08/27/2003 11:48 AM PST

Your lube sounds tasty but it is full of trans fats. Florence Henderson's Wesson Oil would probably be better.

Posted by biologic show @ 08/27/2003 01:22 PM PST

Huntington - Alice the Maid? Actually, I think she'd be more interested in using that lube with Flo.

Posted by Lee @ 08/28/2003 01:29 AM PST

Well if the lube business ever goes dry, Eyal can always get work on an Amish farm.

Posted by -J. @ 08/28/2003 09:05 PM PST

Thanks, Lee, that wraps the image up nicely. Sam the Butcher would definitely agree...

Posted by Huntington @ 08/29/2003 09:46 AM PST