05/29/2004 Entry: "Democracy, Sausages, And Mortgages."

Nobody told me that buying a house would literally give me nightmares. This morning was the second of two since we signed paperwork where I've had very clear anxiety dreams. Yesterday's was quite literal: the building was falling apart before my eyes. I don't think you need Swoon to interpret that. At least today's nightmare was a traditional "being chased by bad guys" dream, set on a sketchy and dark strip of Divisidero Street. I also dreamed that the police came to chase the bad guys away (who weren't so bad) and that I was running away from the cops too. Come to think of it, I was playing Grand Theft Auto for quite a while last night, wasn't I?

But of course I'm anxious about the process. There are so many moving parts in this. It seems like every time we say something is the last step before we're done, we discover another document that we're missing, or another issue to be addressed. And we're doing it while trying to beat the clock of rising interest rates. When does the lock expire? Tick, Tick, Tick...

Then we hear things like: "Those are just estimated documents. They have to send that to you. You can even throw it away." Or, "The numbers will all work out in the end; just trust us." I have to start to wonder about the process at that point. Is all this needlessly complicated, or is it just me? Do I really want to be a part of something this complicated? Of course, by the time one gets to this point, it's far too late to run away.

It's been interesting buying property together as a "non-married" couple. (The process itself has really highlighted our natural strengths in the relationship: The Boyfriend deals with whatever comes up in a professional manner, and I escape into fantasy games whenever the numbness starts to wear off.) Several times throughout the course of the process I've thought how much easier this would have been if we'd been legal spouses. And that thought alone is frightening enough for someone with commitment issues. I've also read that it's easier to get a divorce than it is to stop owning property together. I somehow doubt that advice is meant to be comforting, but it makes the Boyfriend grin with glee.

I seem to be diving off of the commitment issues high board.

But I laughed a lot when the Boyfriend had to sign a form asserting in part that he was "an natural person." I'm glad that they didn't ask me That would have been an inconvenient time to question whether or not I was a replicant.

Replies: 8 comments

Replicant?

Nah... more like a ghola. You just haven't realized it yet.

Posted by Nala @ 05/30/2004 06:01 PM PST

"Are you trying to see if I'm a replicant or a lesbian, Mr. Deckard?"

Posted by Daniel M. Laenker @ 05/30/2004 10:50 PM PST

Yes. Buying ahome is absolutely the most stress-filled thing that you can possible do. Hang in there. The paperwork will end one day and then you just have to think ... 30 years ... it's gonna take 30 years.

Posted by Chas. @ 05/31/2004 09:53 AM PST

Hang in there, indeed. Buying a house was the most stressful time of my life, funerals included. I threw up repeatedly in the week before closing (total nerves--couldn't keep anything down) and I lost my voice on the morning I signed all the papers and had to whisper everything to the lawyer and bank guy. They thought I was a total freak.

But oh, how wonderful it is to own property and not deal with landlords any more. So hold it together and you'll see that it's all worthwhile.

Does your new place have a basement for your axolotl tank, or will you be keeping it in the living room?

Posted by Max @ 05/31/2004 12:54 AM PST

I don't think I've said it yet, so Congratulations!

Posted by Katrina @ 06/01/2004 01:43 PM PST

We do insist on doing these things to ourselves. House buying, Bar exam taking...is it too late to move back to Isla Vista and slackerdom?

Posted by Huntington @ 06/01/2004 04:09 PM PST

You all are totally ruining it. He's not ready to find out he's a ghola yet. That's okay, though: I've got those zany Xians growing another one, just in case.

Posted by The Evil Roommate @ 06/01/2004 06:35 PM PST

Oh, I'm hurt. You're buying a house and didn't go through my company for your mortgage? Oh, pout. Sniffle.

But then again, YAY YOU! Keep in mind that if you two can get through this and stay together, you can get through anything. Buying/refinancing property is THE most stressful thing that you can do to a relationship. Seriously.

Congrats and we expect an invite to the house-swarming! :)

Posted by Jeremy @ 06/01/2004 11:32 PM PST