12/08/2004 Entry: "Getting Presents For Eight Days? Sweet!"

I've been home sick all day watching the Food Network and HGTV on cable. My brain has turned to a thin clear ooze and is coming out my nose, I think. Which is just the desired effect, like on Jet Blue flights: "Please anesthetize me for the next six hours so I don't count the minutes between the two coasts."

There was a show on today making angel food cakes for Christmas, Kwaanza, and Hanukkah. Nice gesture, I guess. But these were not so impressive. The hostess stuffed the hole in the middle with whole marshmallows, frosted the cake in an unholy slate blue color, and then decorated the thing with a strand of faux pearls and a faux pearl Star of David on top.

Oy Gevalt! I nearly plotzed. "So this shiksa wants me to serve this for Hanukkah? Does she want the Rabbi to throw me out of the synagog?"

Then I remembered that I'm not Jewish. I think I've been hitting the cough syrup a little too hard. Happy Hanukkah anyway.

Replies: 7 comments

Try this:

1. Drink all of the cough syrup out of the bottle.

2. Hallucinate.

3. If the cough syrup bottle continued to give you cough syrup on a daily basis a miracle is occuring.

4. Hallucinate for 8 days.

5. Find the nearest temple and convert.

6. Once converted, go to ToysRUs and buy Transformers for Nala.

Posted by Nala @ 12/08/2004 12:36 AM PST

Sandra Lee is a nightmare, and yet I can't look away from her show! Did you see her lovely Kwanzaa cake, with the poop-brown color scheme and the big cheap candles sticking out of the top? Deliriously tacky!

Keep watching her and her mostly-gross recipes...by the third or fourth time she talks about a "tablescape," you'll be wanting to dring TWO big bottles of Nyquil to ease the pain.

Posted by Max @ 12/08/2004 06:24 PM PST

Wow, you had me convinced. You sounded so Jewish!

Posted by hot toddy @ 12/10/2004 03:38 PM PST

I am suspect of all blue foods.

Posted by Aaron @ 12/16/2004 05:24 PM PST

Hey Man -

The promise I made for the contributions for the dance-a-thon has been follwed through. (link on today's post)

Thanks again for your generosity.

Posted by Aaron @ 12/17/2004 10:42 AM PST

Sandra Lee saved me with quick and delicious raspberry trifle. Yum.

Posted by Gigamatt @ 12/20/2004 06:15 AM PST

I wonder if the marshmallows were kosher? What a disgusting way to ruin an angelfood cake.

Posted by homer @ 12/22/2004 04:48 AM PST