03/02/2005 Entry: "Indulge My Self-Indulgence."

Today, walking to lunch by myself, I passed a group of coworkers eating together, enjoying the sun. The though that passed through my head was "Life is kind of like a party I haven't been invited to." I walked heavily across the street in my big black coat to order my food.

No, I reasoned, if anything, life is more like a party where I declined the invitation. Can't make it, I have a pity party to attend that evening. In fact, I think the truth is that I keep declining new invitations all the time. "Now why do you do that?" I asked myself. I didn't have a good answer. "Is it related to the reason you look down at the ground after you say hello to someone in the hallway?" I still didn't have a good answer.

One of my coworkers looked over at me as I passed and gave me the peace symbol. I flashed one back and continuted on my way upstairs. Cool, not invisible just yet. Just because you miss an invitation doesn't mean you have to close down the mailbox.

It's nothing. Just a bad head day. But at the same time, maybe I should go with those friends to movie night on Thursday...

Replies: 3 comments

I can only assume this is a common feeling. I try to remind myself there's more than one party, including the riotous one going on in my head. It's good that you know you can duck in and out of the party, too.

Posted by Huntington @ 03/03/2005 12:51 AM PST

maybe I should go with those friends to movie night on Thursday...

Yes!

Speaking as a former shy person who's become more social (but is still pretty damn shy), going out with friends is a good thing. (Martha Stewart reference NOT intended.)

Posted by Katrina @ 03/04/2005 03:29 PM PST

Sometime in January I resolved to be more social. I kid you not, mere minutes after making that resolution a friend called wondering if I wanted to do something that night and the first words out of my mouth were, "I'm tired. I'm just gonna go home."

For me it's not about being shy but being entirely too comfortable with being alone. The trick to it, I've discovered, is to find friends who are okay with my inconsistent attendance and who keep asking no matter how many times I bail out. Not an easy feat to be sure.

Hope the mood lifted.

Posted by patricia @ 03/21/2005 05:06 AM PST