06/23/2005 Entry: "When Did You Know?"

Aaron asks: When did you know? What was the moment when you knew you were gay?

At 8 years old, I grabbed a friend's package as we were playing at his house. I knew that I wanted to grab it. I didn't know why. I certainly didn't know what to do afterwards. We sort of looked at each other uncomfortably. I let go, and we went back to playing with trucks.

At 10 years old, I had a crush on another boy in school. I wouldn't have given it that name at the time, certainly, but in retrospect that's exactly what it was. I wasn't certain what I wanted from Jonathan, but I knew I wanted something.

At age 12, I finally knew what to call it, but I didn't know why it was happening to me. I didn't know what to do about it. I thought about dying a few times, but I also didn't know what that would accomplish.

At age 14, I experimented with another boy for the first time. I didn't know why I hadn't done this sooner. I didn't know why I'd ever thought dying was a better choice than this.

At age 16, I first told someone else. I didn't know if it would explode in my face or not, but I felt like I had to. (It's been OK so far.)

At age 18 I first kissed another man—something which happened long after I'd first had sex with one. Again, I didn't know why I had waited so long.

When did you know?

Replies: 4 comments

As a youth, I had an unhealthy obession with Shaun Cassidy of the hardy boys. But look at his photo!

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/_/id/5939505?rnd=1118915901511&has-player=true

what isn't dreamy about that? I really didn't understand that it was a crush, but it was. I was crushing heavy for him.

I also had fun with my Harry Hamlin action figure from Clash of the Titans. I loved that movie and his big big nipples.

http://66.34.30.230/0/Clash/CotT011.jpg

http://66.34.30.230/0/Clash/CotT091.jpg

(omg.. the hair)

At least they were big on the screen. But with some unfortunate run ins with less than nice people and sex in my youth, I really held off any sort of gay declarations until I was 19.

I knew when I was 15, but that was 1985 and all gay people had AIDs and were dying. I didn't want to die, but no one knew how you got AIDs (it seemed), so I was afraid that if I said something, I would die.

I had my first dating experience when I was 19. I dated a drag queen and snuck into his bar to watch him perform. We didn't last.

I met Brent when I was 22.. the rest is history.

Posted by Greg @ 06/24/2005 06:48 AM PST

Very nice. Thank you Casey.

Greg? You had Clash of the Titans Action Figures!?! Lucky

Posted by Aaron @ 07/07/2005 11:05 AM PST

I think I may still have my Clash of the Titans action figures. I would have to dig around.

I know that I have many of my Dungeon and Dragons action figures.

Posted by Greg @ 07/08/2005 10:04 AM PST

I knew when I was born that I was "different than the other boys!" (in other words, gay!)

Posted by rgvaughan2003@yahoo.com @ 09/26/2005 12:14 AM PST