06/24/2005 Entry: "Why Men Are Like Shoes."

My feet are killing me right now. I've been sitting in my office in my socks since noon. As Sade once—somewhat disingenously—sang, it hurts like brand new shoes.

I'm not sure how the topic came up—perhaps it was the second glass of white sangria talking—but I confessed to some friends that I only had four pairs of shoes. Two of which I didn't wear. They looked at me oddly. I didn't tell them that one of those two pair has fallen apart to the point where I removed the cushion from the heel because it was so badly damaged. (Hey, at least I'm fortunate enough to have shoes.) They expressed that the situation was unacceptable and that I should go out and get myself something nice.

So we went shoe shopping the next day and I bought four pairs of shoes. The woman at the register looked at me with bemused mockery; You could just hear her saying "Hello, Imelda!" inside her head. So I doubled my wardrobe of shoes in one purchase. It was a shoe orgy.

Now normally it's the Doc Martins that take a month and a half of wearing (and blisters) before they feel comfortable enough for everyday wear. But somehow I found the most comfortable Docs in the world. Easy to wear from day one. I could kiss these shoes, if I were into that sort of thing. No, the bear shoes on my feet today are the slip-in patent-leather look in burgundy and black swirls. They're great looking shoes. But they hurt like hell. I find myself repeating my old mantra: "Fashion is pain, fashion is pain."

I'm dreaming of slipping into the Shoes That Look Just Like The Boyfriend's. Whenever I put them on I do a shoe audit over on his side of the bed to ensure that we're not becoming one of those couples who dress alike. That's a slippery slope that I'd rather not slide down. Might mess up the shoes.

I am yet to wear the reddish-brown, boring ones. They're very comfortable but...bland. And very brown. They don't go with a lot of my usual wardrobe choices (usually black with...more black.) I don't like brown clothes, never really have, but I'm trying to make inroads to new color choices. No, really, I am. Someday I will wear them out of the house...I think.

My advice: Don't waste your time with ugly ones, but remember: if you choose them based solely on looks, you're going to be in a lot of pain. Make sure they make you feel comfortable, no matter what they look like.

Why men are like shoes? I have no idea.

Replies: 3 comments

Merrell? I think that is the correct spelling. Aside from one pair that tore into my ankles six ways to Sunday, I loves me some air cushion support. I wish I could return to the days of Fleuvog, but my physical therapist pointed out that those same shoes were probably what ruined my feet to begin with. Well, and the creepers, but God never intended for feet to form cloven hooves to begin with.

Fashion is pain, honey. Truer words never spoken.

Posted by Jhames @ 06/25/2005 05:19 PM PST

"...but God never intended for feet to form cloven hooves to begin with." Unless one was born with them, you little devil.

Posted by Huntington @ 06/26/2005 12:05 AM PST

Similarly, I have trouble finding hats that fit over my elf ears.

Posted by Casey @ 06/27/2005 11:09 AM PST