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Tuesday, January 27, 2004

The Other Manditory Morning Meeting Agenda.

6:10 AM: Turn off alarm. Turn on coffee maker. Think, "This isn't so bad." Think you could get up at this hour regularly if you really had to.

6:15 AM: Fidget on top of the bed shivering while pinching self to stay awake. Pray that the coffeemaker hurries. Wonder how you can do this tomorrow.

7:25 AM: Consider clothing options for most professional appearance, incorporating goals of peer group acceptance, dress-for-success ideals, stain resistance. Dress entirely in black, just like always.

7:45 AM: Try to be coherent and friendly to David and Mark on the bus. Hours later, wonder what you actually said to them.

8:10 AM: Burn CDs that the presenters won't need of presentations you're about to sit through. Someone outside of your office will excitedly say, "They've got Breakfast Burritos down there!" Hope he is being ironic.

8:15 AM: Realize there is no irony where breakfast burritos are concerned.

9:50 AM: Quick break for vital Biological Functions: Coffee, Defecation, Email.

9:59 AM: Eschew coffee for orange juice and head down to next presentation.

10:04 AM: Regret decision. Fidget in chair shivering while pinching myself to stay awake.

10:50 AM: Break. Apply coffee to every exposed mucus membrane.

11:05 AM: Regret coffee application. Fidget in chair sweating while developing heart murmur.

12:15 PM: Escape to office. Attempt to rub chair marks out of backside. Call masseur for thursday appointment.

12:25 PM: Stand in line with other attendees for lunch of warm burritos and cool drinks.

12:30 PM: Conference call and meeting.

1:45 PM: Actually eat lunch of cool burritos and warm drinks.

2:00 PM: Intend to complete eight hours of work before dinner. Post snarky entry to Weblog instead.

6:30 PM: Attend manditory three-and-a-half-hour dinner event. Have manditory fun. Drink manditory cocktails. Pray there will be no burritos involved.

Tomorrow: Rinse, Repeat; Try not to expire.

02:13 PM PST (link)