Ultramundane.com -- It's Just Not Natural.

Current Playlist

This is my blogchalk:
United States, California, San Francisco, The Mission, English, Spanish, Casey, Male, 31-35.

GeoURL
Who Links Here

Friday, May 9, 2003

Adult Entertainment Is Wherever You Find It.

I've been secretly seeing a strange man late at night. He's 6'2", 230 lbs., muscular, tattooed, with a little soul patch. He appears before me dressed in nothing but spandex shorts, short boots, and kneepads. I lay on the futon and let him do wild, crazy things with his body, and after I've played with him and scored, he's left bleeding and sweaty but ready for more.

His biggest turn-on is the Start button.

Basically, I've created a gay male version of BMXXX out of Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3. Call it "Chicken Hawk Pr0n Skater." Is it bad that I'm motivated to play because he's pleasant to look at, or is that any worse than straight guys watching Lara Croft? Is it narcissistic of me that I've given this sexpot character my own name, or can I claim that's a practical matter, like writing your name on the memory card?

All right, maybe it is perverted of me to put him in the skimpiest outfit I could posssibly create. I can accept that. At least he's over the age of consent. Besides, there's no "skate naked" setting that I've found. Yet.

(Nor is there a hairy chest option either, which I guess means that bears don't skate. Who knew?)

(Related link: Omigod, check out these gorgeous screenshots for The Sims 2. Though it will be years before the Mac sees this (if ever), I'll be lusting after it if the actual release version looks this good. Though I'm not sure if the game will be quite the same if all the objects look like they're in a catalog instead of in their weird isometric perspective.)

05:51 PM PST (link)

Thursday, May 8, 2003

Nobody Jumps Off The Dumbarten Bridge.

What with Jason's imminent arrival to our fair city, I realize I've fallen down on the job of finding him interesting things to do whilst he's here. I was supposed to have done this and sent it to him last month. Oops. I figured I'd share with the class.

There's the usual suspects, of course. The Museum of Modern Art. The Legion of Honor. The Asian Art Museum. The Japanese Tea Garden. All good things.

But who would I be if I showed people around "Normal" San Francisco? Watch a video for that. Here's what would make my list. (See More)

05:06 PM PST (link)

Tuesday, May 6, 2003

I Don't Wanna Get Over.

I think the problem is not enough wine. I was drinking wine all weekend. We sat around for two days in a wonderful place in Mendocino listening to the frogs, taking dips in the hot tub, and nursing a perpetually refilling glass of wine. Even at William Ted's Excellent Birthday Party, there was wine and champagne (and me walking in with a bottle, uncertain if this was going to be sober space but nobody told me. I found a very willing audience for champagne. However nobody explained the no-small-talk rule to me, though, which explains why my conversations were all like that.) So last night, I tried vainly to fill the absence of wine with Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3 until a drunkenly obscene hour of the morning.

I'm much better at drinking wine. I suck at this game so hard. I'm definitely not getting on a real skateboard anytime soon. Who is this Ollie guy, anyway?

So I'm somewhat hungover today even though I was sober last night. But at least I'm not sick. I'm not, I keep telling myself. So far it's been working despite the odds against me. The Roommate has been sick for weeks, it seems, The Boyfriend has come down with something over our long weekend. Today my boss is out sick and several coworkers are holding their heads nursing Cinco de Mayo hangovers. I've got too much to do to be sick, though the idea of being stuck at home in the game room for hours at a time is somewhat appealing.

And actually, what was it that I had to do, anyway? Maybe I could extend this leisure lifestyle out for a few more days. Maybe if I don't get sick I'll call in well. (Or call in Gay, maybe. Thank you Robin Tyler.) I'll drink wine all day to outrun the hangover. It could work for a while.

Whoops, that's my boss on the phone. I gotta run.

03:19 PM PST (link)