Ultramundane.com -- It's Just Not Natural.

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United States, California, San Francisco, The Mission, English, Spanish, Casey, Male, 31-35.

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Friday, June 10, 2005

The Dread Lord Cthulhu Wants You To Update.

I was getting ready for work this morning when I heard someone ring the doorbell. I looked out and there was a middle-eastern man in sandals and a robe, next to someone wearing a vivid-looking elephant's head mask. I opened the door a crack and looked out. "Yes?"

"Are you Casey? From ultramundane-dot-com?" The man in robes consulted a clay tablet with some scratches on it.

"Yes, is there something I can do for you?"

"You know what you can do for me buddy? You can update your Goddamn Web site. I am up to my armpits in help requests and the last thing I need is people bugging folks like me and this guy here to get your lazy ass to write something. You wouldn't listen when the voodoo priest came by last week...."

"...there was no voodoo priest here last week," I said.

"Yes there was," said the elephant head (which moved in a disturbingly accurate way, with an East Asian accent I couldn't place.) "He said you wouldn't answer the door because you were on the computer. Didn't you notice the pile of chicken bones in front of your door?"

"You mean the box of KFC someone emptied and scattered in front of our neighbor's garage? Mostly I was just thankful they weren't hypodermics. And yes, I might have been a little involved in my game..."

"For a month?" shouted the man in the robes. Flecks of spittle lined the creases of his mouth.

"Well, there was more than just that. Work's been crazy, and lately I've been having these awful headaches too..."

"Work? Headaches? I'll tell you about headaches. You try chasing lost causes across the world for your work and see if that doesn't make your damn melon throb a little. Jeez, the pain is worse already this morning." He rubbed his temples with his free hand.

"Hey Jude, refrain." said the elephant-headed one. "Don't carry the world upon your shoulders."

He shot back, "You shut up, peanut breath."

I promised them that I had posts I was working on and they said they'd hold me to it and threatened that they'd be back with reinforcements. They were a few doors down the block when the guy in the robes turned and shouted, "Say, do you want to play a little Texas Hold'em with me later?"

03:00 PM PST (link)