Ultramundane: It’s Just Not Natural

On Lundi Gras, while lying in bed trying to fall asleep, I got the urge to make a King Cake for Mardi Gras. I’ve never made such a thing, so I am not sure why I suddenly imagined that overnight I would be the next Randazzo’s. By late morning I had given up on the idea of raising a yeast bread but not on the idea of a Marti Gras dinner and dessert. So having seen the “easy” recipe using canned rolls enough times, I gave it a shot.

Emiril I am not. Authentic it wasn’t. But it wasn’t that bad, considering that it was the “easy” recipe. That it was the “kids” recipe. That it was, I later discovered, the “semi-homemade” recipe.

Gods help me if I’m turning into Sandra Lee.

As penance for my foodie sins I will take a cue from Courtney’s new food blog and braise some leeks, or make some seitan, or bake up a shoo-fly pie. (Confession: I bought frozen pie crusts for this. But they’re vegan and organic, if that helps.)

Never assign to stomach cancer what can be adequately explained by rainbow-colored cake.

OK, that’s totally not fair. There was a lot of food at the potluck, and I hadn’t heard of anyone else who got sick from eating the food there. And just because a food has seven very-brightly-colored layers does not mean it’s harboring ill will against me. So William of Ockham would probably agree, I was most likely down for four days with the stomach flu, which I could have picked up at any number of places.

But I still don’t think that William would have eaten the cake.

Regardless…now that I’m recovering, The WiiFit is getting angry with me. Unwisely I let it measure me after my fourty days in the porcelain desert, and it was elated that I was losing weight so quickly! Wow, congratulations on doing such a good job shitting out your insides! Only a few more organs more and you’ll reach your goal weight!

Now it wants to know WHY; WHY on earth have you gained so much weight? What could you have possibly been thinking? The options don’t really give you much room to wiggle out of it either. (“OVEREATING” “INACTIVITY” “PMS” “MAINLINING MILKSHAKES” “UTTER MORAL FAILURE.”) I said “INDIGESTION” and it suggested I eat more fiber. Look, I’ve only just recently gotten back into solids. I’ll work up to it, I promise.

“WORRY” was not an option that Wii Fit would accept either. I never learn my lesson not to browse WebMD for symptoms. Especially not the week before my health insurance is set to expire. But at least I know more about diarrhea, gastroenteritis, neck pain, fever and bloating than I ever wanted to.

Oh, about the neck pain? Never assign to viral meningitis what can be properly explained by hours of World of Warcraft.

Your result for The LONG Scientific Personality Test…

ISFJ-The Protector

You scored 9% I to E, 53% N to S, 10% F to T, and 16% J to P!

Take The LONG Scientific Personality Test at HelloQuizzy

You know, I was expecting a package. Instead I got two. 

Guess which one I was expecting.

(more…)

To remove ink stains from your clothes dryer, place 2 cups of bleach in a bucket, then fill the bucket halfway with water. Take some old towels and soak up the liquid in the bucket. You don`t want the towels to be dripping wet, just very damp.

Place them directly into the dryer to remove the ink and run an entire cycle. Repeat if necessary. When you feel you have removed the ink sufficiently, place an old dry towel in the dryer to make sure that you removed all of the ink.

Or you buy a new dryer. Yeah, that didn’t really work. Not sure if it’s worth a second try, or if I should use a Magic Eraser and/or nail polish remover next.

I haven’t seen the premiere episode of Season 44 yet; it’s on TiVo, so please no spoilers in the comments. (Except for that whole Dick Cheney is the fifth cylon thing—no surprise there. Mostly just strange that they bothered making him a skin job and not a Centurion.)

I also had a couple of people on LiveJournal suggest shaving their ‘personal areas’ in honor of the end of Bush. (I won’t link you to those.) Not sure if one wants to be that itchy for the first week of the new Presidency. It’d feel too much like being a Republican. However if you’re so inclined, I’d recommend not being literal and removing yours with a helicopter.

Traditionally The Ex-Roommate and I would pick a song for the first of the year. It gave us something reflective to do on the nights before the New Year. This is not a tradition I’ve kept with The Boyfriend. (Unless his song for the year is the theme(s) from the Planet of the Apes. We had a nice, quiet, relaxing New Year’s celebration.) 

But I did select a song for 2009. Perhaps appropriately it was originally recorded over twelve years ago, but it took her this long to agree how it should really come out. I think it’s amazing. And it’s also a pretty great song to exercise or lift weights to.¹

So this year I have some old business that I need to attend to. I have to take the good work I’ve done and make it better. This year, I could be cool. Soft as a breeze. 

Or I’ll be a hurricane. Ripping up trees.

¹ Count this among the many things I never expected to post in a blog entry.

I was browsing the website for the Ritz Carlton Dining Room, looking at their menu wondering if I could find something to eat there (assuming I could ever afford to eat there.) I noticed the first entree listed for the second course:

TROLL-CAUGHT KING SALMON
squash blossoms stuffed with provençal vegetables, long ziti, pesto

And while a part of me knows they mean the fish was caught like this:

…another part of me really kinda hoped it was salmon caught like this instead:

And surely it will come as no surprise to anyone that I did far better in the “vices” category than the “sports/athletics” one.

Well, that year went out with a bang. Took the Day Without A Gay off and met up with a small but spirited protest against Proposition 8 that evening. Met with a kitchen designer to discuss layouts and kitchen cabinets. The next morning I was laid off from my job. At least we hadn’t done all of our Christmas shopping yet.

A week later we left for Virginia for our usual big family holiday event there and sadly had a poor experience in Virgin America’s First Class. We expect to fly coach next time…and like a Cher farewell concert, we referred to the flight as “our first last-time-in-First.” But it might end up as our last after all. Returned for a city inspection (that was more effort setting up than complying with) and a canceled kitchen appointment and a living room full of…stuff. (I have a bit of cleaning, sorting and organizing to do.)

Consequently we really were just hoping for an uneventful New Year’s Eve celebration, which is what we got. Making all the lucky foods we can—black eyed peas, greens, cornbread, round cakes—and wearing yellow underwear while doing it. Not that I’m superstitious or anything.

I’m not making a New Year’s resolution to blog more, but I’ve been enjoying microblogging with Twitter and Plurk (and Facebook), so I’m hoping I can translate that into more posts. Perhaps I’ll finish my World AIDS Day post or some of my half-finished work-related ones. Perhaps I’ll subject you to more about my gaming life and about my hunt for a new job. A friend of The Boyfriend’s said that even though I’m unemployed, we should still drink champagne sometimes—and that it’s probably even more important that we do. So I raise a glass and toast to you. Best wishes for your 2009.

To the Lord let praises be
It’s time for dinner now let’s go eat
We’ve got some beans and some good cornbread
Now listen to what the preacher said.

—Lyle Lovett, “Church”