Ultramundane: It’s Just Not Natural

On Lundi Gras, while lying in bed trying to fall asleep, I got the urge to make a King Cake for Mardi Gras. I’ve never made such a thing, so I am not sure why I suddenly imagined that overnight I would be the next Randazzo’s. By late morning I had given up on the idea of raising a yeast bread but not on the idea of a Marti Gras dinner and dessert. So having seen the “easy” recipe using canned rolls enough times, I gave it a shot.

Emiril I am not. Authentic it wasn’t. But it wasn’t that bad, considering that it was the “easy” recipe. That it was the “kids” recipe. That it was, I later discovered, the “semi-homemade” recipe.

Gods help me if I’m turning into Sandra Lee.

As penance for my foodie sins I will take a cue from Courtney’s new food blog and braise some leeks, or make some seitan, or bake up a shoo-fly pie. (Confession: I bought frozen pie crusts for this. But they’re vegan and organic, if that helps.)

Never assign to stomach cancer what can be adequately explained by rainbow-colored cake.

OK, that’s totally not fair. There was a lot of food at the potluck, and I hadn’t heard of anyone else who got sick from eating the food there. And just because a food has seven very-brightly-colored layers does not mean it’s harboring ill will against me. So William of Ockham would probably agree, I was most likely down for four days with the stomach flu, which I could have picked up at any number of places.

But I still don’t think that William would have eaten the cake.

Regardless…now that I’m recovering, The WiiFit is getting angry with me. Unwisely I let it measure me after my fourty days in the porcelain desert, and it was elated that I was losing weight so quickly! Wow, congratulations on doing such a good job shitting out your insides! Only a few more organs more and you’ll reach your goal weight!

Now it wants to know WHY; WHY on earth have you gained so much weight? What could you have possibly been thinking? The options don’t really give you much room to wiggle out of it either. (“OVEREATING” “INACTIVITY” “PMS” “MAINLINING MILKSHAKES” “UTTER MORAL FAILURE.”) I said “INDIGESTION” and it suggested I eat more fiber. Look, I’ve only just recently gotten back into solids. I’ll work up to it, I promise.

“WORRY” was not an option that Wii Fit would accept either. I never learn my lesson not to browse WebMD for symptoms. Especially not the week before my health insurance is set to expire. But at least I know more about diarrhea, gastroenteritis, neck pain, fever and bloating than I ever wanted to.

Oh, about the neck pain? Never assign to viral meningitis what can be properly explained by hours of World of Warcraft.

Your result for The LONG Scientific Personality Test…

ISFJ-The Protector

You scored 9% I to E, 53% N to S, 10% F to T, and 16% J to P!

Take The LONG Scientific Personality Test at HelloQuizzy